hello
i'm glad i'm still alive. my goodness, i've never expected summerbreeze to be so packed during weekends especially saturday. the crowd just kept coming and coming but i've made wonderful friends there. hahahaaah. well, i'm likeable i suppose.
It's almost a week without fi ):
i can lie to the world that i dont need him anymore but deep down inside i know how much i miss his presence. haha i wished i knew what to do.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Moving on.
I'm starting work on friday at summerbreeze. Less time to think of fi now because i'll be working from 6pm - 3am. By the time i reach home, i'll be flat dead on bed. Dining by the sea. An ideal place for a date. Luckily i haven't been there with fi. If not i'm going to start working and start thinking of him again. Very bad.
Fi is someone i'll do everything with in my everyday life. Everytime he goes to school in the morning, i'll sleep till he gets back and lie on top of me thinking that he's very light. I'll watch dramas at his house waiting for him to come back from his cdc either with good news or bad news. If he fails his practical, atleast he has me by his side. Fi loves hugging me alot because he says that i'm his teddy bear (refering that i'm fat!) Then we'll make our brunch together at home and we'll have dinner outside together. At night when i'm doing my facial, he'll sit beside me reading his newspaper or the secret book by adam khoo, he'll hug me when we sleep and i can always hear him talking in his dreams. Whenever we had no plans for the day it wasn't that bad because we had the company of each other. But now, i'm alone at my house and he's alone at his house. We are living under the same sky but no longer the same roof anymore.
I went to drink by the sea with andrew yesterday at pondstar (pasir ris townpark) They sell shots/food/beer/cocktails/mocktails. It's a very good place to chill. I sat there for 4 hours without realising until when my kick sets in. Last night was an ASAHI night! It's our first time trying it and we had cans and cans of it. I drink not because i want to get myself drunk over fi. That would be the silliest thing to do because making yourself drunk and puke all over doesn't mean that your guy/girl will come back to you, your problem is still left unsolved the next day when you're sober. I drink for the kick. There's a fine line between kick and getting drunk.
I'm so glad that i'll be seeing eefan later on! 19 months isn't very long. But for the past 19 months, more than half of my friends are fi's friends and i love them alot too. I hope the steamboat plan tonight won't be cancelled. Recently my aklly has been stressing over some stuffs. Idk what happened to her friend or her workplace but i wish that everything will be alright soon so that she can go to work happily everyday. Though she has less time for me now. But it's ok! I have a very good listening ear like andrew now :)
Fi is someone i'll do everything with in my everyday life. Everytime he goes to school in the morning, i'll sleep till he gets back and lie on top of me thinking that he's very light. I'll watch dramas at his house waiting for him to come back from his cdc either with good news or bad news. If he fails his practical, atleast he has me by his side. Fi loves hugging me alot because he says that i'm his teddy bear (refering that i'm fat!) Then we'll make our brunch together at home and we'll have dinner outside together. At night when i'm doing my facial, he'll sit beside me reading his newspaper or the secret book by adam khoo, he'll hug me when we sleep and i can always hear him talking in his dreams. Whenever we had no plans for the day it wasn't that bad because we had the company of each other. But now, i'm alone at my house and he's alone at his house. We are living under the same sky but no longer the same roof anymore.
I went to drink by the sea with andrew yesterday at pondstar (pasir ris townpark) They sell shots/food/beer/cocktails/mocktails. It's a very good place to chill. I sat there for 4 hours without realising until when my kick sets in. Last night was an ASAHI night! It's our first time trying it and we had cans and cans of it. I drink not because i want to get myself drunk over fi. That would be the silliest thing to do because making yourself drunk and puke all over doesn't mean that your guy/girl will come back to you, your problem is still left unsolved the next day when you're sober. I drink for the kick. There's a fine line between kick and getting drunk.
I'm so glad that i'll be seeing eefan later on! 19 months isn't very long. But for the past 19 months, more than half of my friends are fi's friends and i love them alot too. I hope the steamboat plan tonight won't be cancelled. Recently my aklly has been stressing over some stuffs. Idk what happened to her friend or her workplace but i wish that everything will be alright soon so that she can go to work happily everyday. Though she has less time for me now. But it's ok! I have a very good listening ear like andrew now :)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
My eyes are swollen and my heart is empty. But i'm conscious, so much conscious than before. And now without love, my vision became clearer than ever. I've never seen things so clearly before for the past a year and seven months. I was too deep into love that i thought i could leave everything behind just for you, forgive everything you've done to me in the name of love. But I was wrong.
I'm no longer with fi because we have chosen something that's best for the both of us. None of us wanted this breakup, none of us expected this to happen, none of us was at fault. Before this, i thought love was powerful, i thought love could conquer everything but i was so wrong. I thought i've put everything behind me and moved on spending every single day happily because i couldn't help being with you but sadly after so long, so hard that i tried, we're back to square one. It feels as if falling when you try to fly, i've never thought falling would hurt so much.
Your past was a disaster. It's something that haunts me time and time i'm with you. What i could see now wasn't our future but all your past, no longer me and you. It's so difficult to see myself without you. But this is a choice that we both got to make eventually.
Yes, it's going to hurt. Experiencing this myself was way worse off. It's so difficult to cope with my own feelings. The world seems crashing down on me at this moment when i reminisce about the memories you and me created.
I'm sorry that i chose to walk away. I've not only lost a boyfriend but also my pillar of support all these while. Now that you're gone, i have to learn how to be independent. I no longer have someone by my side all the time to shower me with love, to hold me and kiss me, to lie beside me every night.
That familiar shoulders that i always rested on. The familiar hand that holds me everywhere. The familiar voice that whispers " i love you dear " The familiar face. So last night in your arms, i finally tried to fight back all my tears and do this. I said the magic word that shouldn't be said in a relationship like ours. I cried so badly last night because you meant the world to me. You've always been the stronger party, you hugged me tightly telling me that i'll find someone so much better that deserves my love. You told me strongly that you'll try to avoid me and drift away slowly from me so that i don't miss you so much. For my benefit, you encouraged me to go out often and get used to the loneliness without you. You said confidently that you'll wait for me so that if one day i can forgive your past, i can always come back to you and that will be a new beginning for us. Last night was so painful that every time you kissed my tears away from my face, my heart was screaming for you.
So today i hardened my heart, packed my stuffs and left. I believe that i'll always love you. I just need time to overcome the one inside me and i hope it isn't too late.
I'm no longer with fi because we have chosen something that's best for the both of us. None of us wanted this breakup, none of us expected this to happen, none of us was at fault. Before this, i thought love was powerful, i thought love could conquer everything but i was so wrong. I thought i've put everything behind me and moved on spending every single day happily because i couldn't help being with you but sadly after so long, so hard that i tried, we're back to square one. It feels as if falling when you try to fly, i've never thought falling would hurt so much.
Your past was a disaster. It's something that haunts me time and time i'm with you. What i could see now wasn't our future but all your past, no longer me and you. It's so difficult to see myself without you. But this is a choice that we both got to make eventually.
Yes, it's going to hurt. Experiencing this myself was way worse off. It's so difficult to cope with my own feelings. The world seems crashing down on me at this moment when i reminisce about the memories you and me created.
I'm sorry that i chose to walk away. I've not only lost a boyfriend but also my pillar of support all these while. Now that you're gone, i have to learn how to be independent. I no longer have someone by my side all the time to shower me with love, to hold me and kiss me, to lie beside me every night.
That familiar shoulders that i always rested on. The familiar hand that holds me everywhere. The familiar voice that whispers " i love you dear " The familiar face. So last night in your arms, i finally tried to fight back all my tears and do this. I said the magic word that shouldn't be said in a relationship like ours. I cried so badly last night because you meant the world to me. You've always been the stronger party, you hugged me tightly telling me that i'll find someone so much better that deserves my love. You told me strongly that you'll try to avoid me and drift away slowly from me so that i don't miss you so much. For my benefit, you encouraged me to go out often and get used to the loneliness without you. You said confidently that you'll wait for me so that if one day i can forgive your past, i can always come back to you and that will be a new beginning for us. Last night was so painful that every time you kissed my tears away from my face, my heart was screaming for you.
So today i hardened my heart, packed my stuffs and left. I believe that i'll always love you. I just need time to overcome the one inside me and i hope it isn't too late.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Life's a bitch.
The person who loves you the most, hurts you the most.
Mom's considering to get me a pomeranian now now now and i'm so excited! I've always wanted a dog but i'm afraid that i don't have the means to give it a good life. But now that my mum can financially support me to get a dog, i'll have no problem! Hahahahaha.
Life's a bitch.
Life's a bitch.
Because when i don't wanna work, so many job lobangs.
When i wanna work, nobody wants to hire me.
And now that everyone's got a job except for me,
i'm going to be alone.
Oh man.
Life's a bitch.
Because for the past one year seven months, i've been together with a sucker.
Life's a bitch.
Because all good things have to come to an end eventually.
Life's a bitch.
Because you gave someone your everything that you end up with nothing now.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Yesssssxzs tp :)
It's so nice having a computer in your room! Hahahaha i haven't brush my teeth yet. I'm going to bishan later hopefully i'll get a job either this or next week. I'm very sick of lazing around. Especially when my boyfriend is so sick of me now. I've already come to terms with it. Why make life so difficult for myself. He loves ogling at other girls' **** then so be it. He thinks i'm not good enough for him, then so be it. He thinks that i ain't hot enough for him, then so be it. He wants to go act like he's single, then so be it. He wants to play a part in all the activities together with all the single and available guys around him, then so be it. He wants to go clubbing or any dirty pubs, so be it.
I should have expected this to come. Never try tying someone down. The harder you try, the more disappointed you'll be. He'll come back after having enough fun outside.
So maybe i should give myself some allowance to hang out with better guys too? :)
I went to take my results yesterday and i'm very very happy with it. L1r4 = 13. This was far from what i expected for myself. Anyway what's most important is that i can get into Tp! For the 4 years i've wasted in school, í still made it eventually. So relieved!
I should have expected this to come. Never try tying someone down. The harder you try, the more disappointed you'll be. He'll come back after having enough fun outside.
So maybe i should give myself some allowance to hang out with better guys too? :)
I went to take my results yesterday and i'm very very happy with it. L1r4 = 13. This was far from what i expected for myself. Anyway what's most important is that i can get into Tp! For the 4 years i've wasted in school, í still made it eventually. So relieved!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
2010.
A year, 365 days. With 24 hours each day.
Can you see for yourself how much you have changed? How much you have been through?
you will never believe it, my 2010 celebration was crap. LOL
Aston for dinner.
Waited for fireworks at marina.
Got JAMMED in the queue while walking back to mrt station.
And lastly, instead of drinking at bq or something, we went back kampong to drink and chill.
HAHHHHA joke.
ok nevertheless i'm not gonna let this affect the start of a new year! :)
First.
I'm going to get myself a job with overtime.
OT= extra pay.
i'm gonna use all the money i'll earn this month to be inked at the back.
i believe that something beautiful is worth paying for and waiting for.
Or maybe if i have some money left, i can go shopping @ somerset 313 forever 21. i still haven't got a chance to shop there ): very sad very sad. girls will never have enough clothes.
Next.
I'm getting my o level result very soon and this is very crucial for me. Because if my results can't get me into a poly, i'll have to find another alternative. I guess i'll start working towards my dream. My dream is to have my own beauty palour.
Third.
I'm looking forward to my 17th birthday because it's a step closer to being 18. It's a pity that i'm not 18 yet. When you are not yet 16, you can't wait to be 16. When you're 16, you can't wait to be 18 and when you're 18, you wished you were 21. After 21, you wish you won't grow any older. I'm like this.
Eefan's gonna turn 18 in a few months time. I'll miss him being underage with me ):
Fourth.
I'm very thankful that after so long. I'm still very close with my aklly. You guys must be thinking that why her name haven't been appearing in my blog for so long. You don't see her photo appearing in my blog now. I have people coming to me asking if i'm still on good terms with wenfen.
The fact is, yes i am and i believe i'll always be. She's the best person i've found in my whole fucking life. I don't see her everyday now. Sometimes i don't even see her for more than a week. I haven't been spending quality time with her. But i tell you what, there's something between me and her that even if i meet her the least number of times, she will never be replaced.
I'm sorry for neglecting you again and again.
what i want you to know is, if one day i ever lose you. i'll never be complete again even if i have everything else in the world.
we had a treaty.
the world in my heart, half is yours and half is hao's. so don't ever think that i don't love you k.
Fifth.
I look forward to spending quality time with my dad again. I have the best mum and dad. I love my family a lot. Don't ever doubt their love for you and never ever compare them to other parents.
Last but not least.
I hope hao will love me forever like how i'll love him :)
Can you see for yourself how much you have changed? How much you have been through?
you will never believe it, my 2010 celebration was crap. LOL
Aston for dinner.
Waited for fireworks at marina.
Got JAMMED in the queue while walking back to mrt station.
And lastly, instead of drinking at bq or something, we went back kampong to drink and chill.
HAHHHHA joke.
ok nevertheless i'm not gonna let this affect the start of a new year! :)
First.
I'm going to get myself a job with overtime.
OT= extra pay.
i'm gonna use all the money i'll earn this month to be inked at the back.
i believe that something beautiful is worth paying for and waiting for.
Or maybe if i have some money left, i can go shopping @ somerset 313 forever 21. i still haven't got a chance to shop there ): very sad very sad. girls will never have enough clothes.
Next.
I'm getting my o level result very soon and this is very crucial for me. Because if my results can't get me into a poly, i'll have to find another alternative. I guess i'll start working towards my dream. My dream is to have my own beauty palour.
Third.
I'm looking forward to my 17th birthday because it's a step closer to being 18. It's a pity that i'm not 18 yet. When you are not yet 16, you can't wait to be 16. When you're 16, you can't wait to be 18 and when you're 18, you wished you were 21. After 21, you wish you won't grow any older. I'm like this.
Eefan's gonna turn 18 in a few months time. I'll miss him being underage with me ):
Fourth.
I'm very thankful that after so long. I'm still very close with my aklly. You guys must be thinking that why her name haven't been appearing in my blog for so long. You don't see her photo appearing in my blog now. I have people coming to me asking if i'm still on good terms with wenfen.
The fact is, yes i am and i believe i'll always be. She's the best person i've found in my whole fucking life. I don't see her everyday now. Sometimes i don't even see her for more than a week. I haven't been spending quality time with her. But i tell you what, there's something between me and her that even if i meet her the least number of times, she will never be replaced.
I'm sorry for neglecting you again and again.
what i want you to know is, if one day i ever lose you. i'll never be complete again even if i have everything else in the world.
we had a treaty.
the world in my heart, half is yours and half is hao's. so don't ever think that i don't love you k.
Fifth.
I look forward to spending quality time with my dad again. I have the best mum and dad. I love my family a lot. Don't ever doubt their love for you and never ever compare them to other parents.
Last but not least.
I hope hao will love me forever like how i'll love him :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
